If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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