whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
