He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
