Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
