wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Randomize
