the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
