drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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