hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
