Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
