worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
