god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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