Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
