After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
