i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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