The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
