R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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