I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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