but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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