saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
