How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
