You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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