BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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