There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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