would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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