I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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