Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
