now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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