Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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