Buhtt sex?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
