he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
