Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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