Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize