Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
