can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
