she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
