I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
