It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
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This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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