Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
