Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Randomize
