i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
