Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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