Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
