I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
