I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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