I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize