rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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