proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
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Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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