I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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