i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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