new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize