You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
