just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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