You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
