I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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