I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
