it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
