I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
