Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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