I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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