I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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