no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're breaking my sexual little heart
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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