my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
