Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
