I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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